Jackie Parkes MBACP

0121 454 2209

07796 836739

Or email


Jackie Parkes Counsellor  B.A., Dip Counselling , Registered and Accredited member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.
Face to Face Counselling Birmingham available in Harborne and Quinton

"There are as many nights as days , and the one is just as long as the other in the years course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy ' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness" Carl Jung

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Please check back on a regular basis to find out more about issues that may concern you or a loved one.

To discuss how counselling may benefit you please contact Jackie Parkes on tel: 0121 454 2209 or mob: 07796 836739 or email: info@circle-counselling-birmingham.co.uk

How to deal with Jealousy and Insecurity

In my experience jealousy often arises from insecurity and unmet needs from childhood. Frequently, people do not feel good enough and look to the other to meet needs for love, security, confidence and self worth. Consciously or unconsciously we can all carry the fantasy of the magical other , where you can believe there is one person who is right for you, this person will automatically know what you need and respond to these needs , sparing you the burden of growing up and meeting your own needs.

As an adult a lot of these needs need to be met from oneself; looking for them to be met outside yourself further increases feelings of insecurity as you are not in control of someone else.

Even when there is justification for your insecurity jealousy is rarely beneficial.

What happens in jealousy is that you project out your fears of losing the other and convince yourself that your partner is having an affair or is going to, or is going to leave you. People think because I have these thoughts they must be true, rather than them being a response to fear. Once jealousy starts it can trigger difficult emotions, paranoia, anger, feelings of inadequacy. These thoughts and feelings can become very convincing.

It is possible that you demand that your partner behaves in certain ways or appeases you by cutting off contact with other people or giving up hobbies. It is not the role of your partner to give you reassurance. It is not up to your partner to change their behaviour but for you to become aware of your behaviour and manage your fear.

What you can do:

Become aware that you are projecting out your fears,

Learn to manage these fears, stand back, breathe slowly, observe your thought, tell yourself that this is fear and is not based on what is happening, jealous thoughts are not the same as reality. Do not feed the fear. There is a difference between feeling jealous and acting on it. Say to yourself -I know that I am feeling jealous but I do not have to act on it.

Learn to build your self confidence and support your emotions; learn to give yourself positive messages. Attend a training course on personal development, read self help books or go for therapy.