Jackie Parkes MBACP

0121 454 2209

07796 836739

Or email

 

Jackie Parkes Counsellor  B.A., Dip Counselling , Registered and Accredited member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.
Face to Face Counselling Birmingham available in Harborne and Quinton

"There are as many nights as days , and the one is just as long as the other in the years course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy ' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness" Carl Jung

Interesting articles and resources

Please check back on a regular basis to find out more about issues that may concern you or a loved one.

To discuss how counselling may benefit you please contact Jackie Parkes on tel: 0121 454 2209 or mob: 07796 836739 or email: info@circle-counselling-birmingham.co.uk

Abandonment

Abandonment feelings can be overwhelming, excruciating and difficult to bear.  They can give rise to feelings of isolation, loneliness, emptiness (like a big hole inside), hurt and pain,  feelings of shame, badness , feeling unlovable and uncared for, hopelessness, rage, .   Depending on the age when a child was abandoned, feelings related to fear of death, survival as well as loss of identity can be triggered.

Abandonment can underlie other emotional issues, for example depression and anxiety, jealousy and insecurity, low self esteem, emotional caretaking, addiction. . 

Abandonment can leave a child with the message that they are not important or loved.

Parental Separation, loss or Adoption can all cause abandonment issues. There are less obvious forms of abandonment: unmet needs in childhood for example, needs for safety, protection, love or affection and understanding can give rise to these feelings. When parents expect their children to meet their needs because of physical or emotional problems, and there is lack of attention on the child, this too can give rise to feelings of abandonment.

A person who has experienced abandonment may fear that abandonment will occur again, and this can affect a person’s ability to trust others. It can also lead to

  • Overanalysing what others think of you;
  • Clinginess in relationships or its opposite - that is pulling away; 
  • A tendency to choose partners who abandon creating a re enactment of the past trauma;
  • A tendency to give too much;
  • Envy, jealousy and insecurity or a need to control the other;
  • A lack of emotional intimacy;
  • A struggle to manage separation from a loved one because of the feelings of abandonment that separation triggers 

When important childhood needs are not met it is common that a person will carry these emotions into adulthood and attempt to get these needs met by a significant other. However these needs cannot be met in the same way in adulthood.

How can counselling help?

Counselling can be useful as:

  • You can begin to bear the feelings;
  • You can begin to trust again; 
  • You can realise that these feelings belong to the past and not the present, you can grieve for   unmet needs and this can empower you in the present. Feelings will not need to be replayed,
  • You can learn to take care of yourself and your needs.

Working with Abandonment issues takes time.

Contact me in confidence to discuss how counselling may help you overcome any issues you may have with abandonment, Jackie Parkes on tel: 0121 454 2209 or mob: 07796 836739 or email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.