Counselling to manage Anger

Hello

Since I receive enquiries related to anger, I thought I would write down some of my thoughts about it, I will follow this up at regular intervals.

Anger in itself is not a bad emotion and is a normal human response. Being Angry when we see injustice can be seen as healthy and has driven people to contribute to changes in the world. It can be a signal which alerts you to the fact that somebody has stepped over your psychological boundary, it can motivate you to be more assertive. Sometimes anger can be very energising and give you the capacity you need to survive difficult times. It allows you to protect yourself and those you care about. It is a normal response when experiencing loss or rejection, or when life does not turn out as you want it to.

Problems do occur when anger starts to impact on your ability to operate in your relationship. Often people have not learnt to express their anger in healthy ways. Using it to control others, outbursts of rage , verbal attacks , can all cause problems in your relationships.

Anger turned against the self or unexpressed can cause problems. Many people have learned n their early lives that expressing anger is wrong, resulting in the suppression of anger. It can grate and eat away at positive feelings towards the self. I believe that the suppression of anger can contribute towards depression, self sabotage and some physical illness. Freud believed that anger lay below guilt.

In my experience, anger can often be fed by insecurities and fear. Sometimes it is a strategy to cover up more vulnerable feelings. In my experience it can also be fed by unrealistic thinking , i.e. that people are against you, taking advantage of you or making you look like a fool. For example when driving, you can feel it as a personal attack when somebody 'cuts you up. The person in the other car does not know you.

Counselling can help in a number of ways , for example it can support you to-

Determine the underlying causes of the anger which can sometimes come from the past

Work through the anger or any underlying fears or insecurities 

Challenge any unrealistic thinking 

Moderate the intensity of and develop a relationship with, your anger, so that it does not leak out or overwhelm you

Connect with your anger if this has been a problem

Learn to express anger in appropriate ways 

I will continue to update this section. You can contact me for more information.